Not only did I kill Jesus, and continue to mix the blood of Christian babies with my Passover matzah, now it seems that I am responsible for the collapse of the global economy.
A recent survey of Americans published in Boston Review finds that 65% of Americans think my fellow Jews and I are responsible for the Great Recession.
I know what you’re thinking (besides the thought, “He has no idea what I’m thinking,” see I told you I knew what you were thinking)—most of these people are Republicans. But no, only 18.4% of Republicans think this way, while 32% of Democrats do.
Democrats!?! Are you kidding me? But I voted for Obama! I cried at the Kennedy memorial (though mostly because the coverage pre-empted my regular programming). I am a liberal for God’s sake. Why blame me? I lost money, too. Can it really be I have to hang with Sarah Palin to keep from being hung by my fellow Democrats? Damn!
The study goes on and on, and I just couldn’t read it all. It was too scary. Bottom line: Americans are growing more and more angry, and more and more eager to blame someone for their problems, and since it is no longer kosher for anyone other than Glenn Beck to blame our problems on black people, guess whose top on America’s hit list? Yep, the Jews.
With the Catholic Church deciding it is once again time to convert the Jews (see my last blog entry), and the majority of Americans blaming Jews for the state of the economy, is it time for us Jews to consider moving on? It could be.
I’m not saying we need to pack up and run just yet, but I would definitely keep my eyes and ears open. We used to say “America is different,” and it may be. But Americans aren’t. People love scapegoats, and we Jews are no exception. In fact we invented the idea of the scapegoat. Look it up in the Bible. The only difference is we used real goats, not people.
But where would we run? Europe? Nope. Thirty-one per cent of Europeans blame the Jews for the economy, so forget Europe. Israel? Most Israelis blame Jews for their economy, but that is because they are mostly Jews, so maybe if we have to run somewhere that is where we will run. But I hate the idea of putting all Jews in one basket (as opposed to putting one Jew in one basket which is the story of Passover). Makes us too easy to blot out. So I’m thinking China. (I know last Friday I suggested we consider Amsterdam, and I am not abandoning the Netherlands, just hedging my bets.)
Why China? First, because I love the Tao te Ching. Second, because Jewish people love Chinese food. Third, because their economy isn’t as bad off as ours, so they aren’t blaming the Jews. Yet. If things go south I assume the Chinese people will suddenly discover that the ruling junta were all Jews in disguise. Scooby Dooby Jew!
Anyway, all I’m saying is that we have seen this before and it never turns out well for us. When will you know it is time to run? When it turns out that page 64,532 of the final healthcare reform bill has a paragraph that mandates the wearing of yellow Stars of David by all Jews. Then come the real death panels. Try to be packed by then.
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7 comments:
You are hilarious. I laughed out loud. But I also cringed at the truth here. A few weeks ago, walking home from Central Park with my dog, I was suddenly accosted by a hate group with billboard swastikas, scream-yelling to the tune of "Hey, Jude" some lyrics about how God hates Jews. They were aiming it at the synagogue at the end of my block. The cops looked nauseated as they protected them. Ah, freedom of speech.
Yikers . . hey, do you remember the once popular folk song with the chorus "When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?"
I'm always packed . . .
g
Shalom Rav,
You wrote: ..."since it is no longer kosher for anyone other than Glenn Beck to blame our problems on black people,"
Would you please direct me to where you've read about or watched Glenn Beck blaming "our problems on black people." The policies of our President are fair game for commentators. Our Preisdent is black, and he's not "black people (plural)."
If indeed you have such an example that's not from "Media Matters," or "MoveOn," both of whom regularly practice out of context smearing, I'll publicly apologize herein as well as add said confession to a long list of " 'Al Heyts" that I've already amassed this past year.
Re your post on Jewish prayer and prayer books:
once again Gut G'zogt
Bivracha,
Jordan
Just to be clear, I don't read Move On or Media Matters, but I will try and remember to do so. As for Glenn Beck, I was responding to what I saw him say on Fox & Friends, namely that President Obama hates white people. But if you read my original comment on that I said it just balances Kanye West's notion that President Bush hates black people.
As for Al Heyts, if you see him, say hi for me. He usually sits next to Oliver Sholem. (A little inside the tallis humor. Sorry.)
Shalom Rav,
You wrote: "Just to be clear, I don't read Move On or Media Matters, but I will try and remember to do so."
Glad to hear you'll be joining with me and others who read those publications. As C. Otto Scharmer has written, "The mind works like a parachute; it only functions when open." You continued:
"As for Glenn Beck, I was responding to what I saw him say on Fox & Friends, namely that President Obama hates white people."
Glad to hear that you're actually watching Fox News Channel as well. Assuredly, it is the most powerful news organization in the US. "America's Newsroom" (Fox News Channel 9:00 AM ET, M-F) the program that follows the one you cited consistently gets better ratings than any of the prime time offerings on CNN, CNBC, and MSNBC!!
And as I wrote, "The policies of our President are fair game for commentators. Our President is black, and he's not "black people (plural)." This was in response to your statement in the post, "since it is no longer kosher for anyone other than Glenn Beck to blame our problems on black people," which remains as yet unfounded. I don't see how Glenn Beck's statement about the President (singular) is blaming "our problems on black people (plural)." You continued:
"But if you read my original comment on that I said it just balances Kanye West's notion that President Bush hates black people."
Where is this comment? Regardless, to link in an analogy Glenn Beck with a thug like Kanye West is a stretch to say the least. You continued:
"As for Al Heyts, if you see him, say hi for me. He usually sits next to Oliver Sholem. (A little inside the tallis humor. Sorry.)"
No apology necessary to me.
Ahhhh and tell me please whose tsitsis are longer? Those of Mr Heyts who is acknowledging here on earth that he has much upon which to improve; or those of Mr. Sholem, who's already experiencing Wholeness having returned to his Origin?
Biv'racha,
Jordan
Jordan,
A thug like Kanye West? Are you sure? Kanye may play a thug, sometimes, when it suits him, in order to, y'know, make millions of dollars, but he's the product of a middle class intellectual background. His father was a member of the Black Panthers and one of the first black photojournalists at the Atlanta-Journal Constitution. His mother was an English Professor at Clark Atlanta University and chair of the English Department at Chicago State. Kanye himself attended Chicago State, though he did drop out to launch his music career.
Intriguingly, though, during his early career, hip hop record execs rejected him because he didn't fit the "street image" of the gangsta-inflected rap topping the charts at the time.
Today, while being a multi-platinum selling artist and producer, and running a restaurant chain, Kanye also does philanthropic work. The Kanye West Foundation (I know, a braggy kind of name) funds educational initiatives to help Latino and African American kids finish High School and College. Kanye himself has also performed at fundraisers organizations supporting Katrina relief, various environmetnal causes, and returning Iraqi War Vets.
So, while I applaud you're efforts at resisting ad hominem and straw man attacks on some of the public figures mentioned on this blog, I have to question your use of the appellative "thug" in the case of Mr. West. I may not be a big fan of his tunes,and he may not be the most articulate of public figures (although, one wonders how much this has to do witht he hip hop industry imperative to "keep it real") but I don't think you can dismiss the man or his work with a single word.
Shalom Aaron Herschel,
You're right about my use of "thug." It was wrong of me to do this, and I'm sorry. Thanks for bringing this up and I'll do better in future posts.
Shavu'a tov,
Biv'racha,
Jordan
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