According to the Huffington Post Mormons have baptized Anne Frank for the ninth time. I guess it didn’t take the first eight times. I know that lots of Jews hate the idea that they can be made into Mormons after they die, but I don’t care. After all I don’t believe in heaven and hell, and I don’t believe that some Mormon dunking himself in a baptismal font for my sake will have impact on me at all.
But, on the off chance you can make a nonMormon into a Mormon after the nonMormon has died, I want in. The next time a Mormon missionary comes to my door I plan to slip him a sheet of paper with the names of dead nonMormons I want converted to Mormonism. I will focus on those self-righteous pious prigs who spent their lives spewing hate in the name of Love. Take the Rev. Jerry Falwell for example.
Rev. Falwell died on May 15, 2007, and is certainly in heaven as he was, according to his own reckoning, one of the few real Christians on the planet Earth. Let’s say we now baptize him into the Church of Latter Day Saints—we make him a Mormon, a member of a cult whose members in no way go anywhere but to hell—bam! Jerry Falwell is in hell! He would have no idea what happened or how he got there, and he would have no way of getting out because his faith doesn’t offer posthumous conversions. Is that cool or what?
This could be loads of fun. Just read the obits, find the names of the obnoxious faithful who have died and gone to heaven, and then submit their names for posthumous Mormon Baptism. You might want to let them enjoy heaven for a few days first so they can get all puffed up and conceited about their fate, and then baptize them into Mormonism and send them to hell. This is the ultimate revenge for all their religious bullying.
So start making your list and open you doors to the Mormon ringing your bell.