Thursday, January 31, 2008

White Penis

If you take the pundits seriously, I, as a white male Democrat, am adrift politically. It seems, now that white male candidate John Edwards has dropped out of the Democratic presidential race, that we white males have no one for whom to vote.

Women vote for Hillary. African Americans vote for Barack. But we poor white males have no one who looks like us to vote for. Neither do Hispanics, of course, or Asians, or Native Americans, but no one seems to care about them. Or maybe the pundits assume that these other groups have the intelligence to vote their values rather than their race or gender.

White men are a different breed. We vote for ourselves or….. Or what? Come to think of it we never had this problem before. We have always voted for people that looked like us: white males. So, it’s true, I feel betrayed by my party.

[By the way, it never was my party before. I have been an independent all my life, but in order to vote in the Tennessee primary I had to declare allegiance to one marketing team or another, and I chose Democrat. I wanted to vote against the nasty way Billary Clinton has been running their campaign. It smelled of racism to me. But it wasn’t an easy choice. I really like elephants and feel nothing at all for donkeys, so the logo issue was very real for me, especially if I picked up one of the canvas bag from the party’s headquarters. Walking around with an ass on my bag seems really uncool. Elephants are cool. Sure I could cross over to the Reds and vote for McCain, and, as the saying goes, “better Red then dead,” but I can’t stand the thought of four more years of an anti-science, pro-war, homophobic, and misogynist agenda which is what I fear a Republican win will bring with it regardless of the personal feelings of the winner. So that is why the Democrats are, for this election at least, my party.]

But what really irks me is the notion that I can’t vote for a person of color or a woman. How stupid we white men must be. I imagine my fellow wmv (white male voters) walking into the voting booth murmuring to themselves, “Where is the white penis? Where is the white penis? How can I vote if no candidate has a white penis?”

Well I want to go on record that white or black, penis or vagina I’m voting Democrat. Unless, of course, Bloomberg runs. Then there would be a white penis in the race. And not just a white penis but also a Jewishly circumcised white penis. Now that is my kind of candidate!

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