I’m flying to Atlanta on Friday morning, and skimming the SkyMall catalog. I never find anything to buy in the catalog, but I always find something I wish I had invented. A colostomy bag that filters urine through a lemon processor connected to a lemonade dispenser hat with disposable cups hanging off the earflaps—why didn’t I think of that?
Anyway the item that caught my eye this trip was the Menorahment or Hanukkah Tree Topper®: a plastic Star of David attached to a wire coil that fits over the top of any Christmas tree. According to SkyMall this is a “must-have for interfaith marriages.” I assume they meant “interfaith couples” seeing as interfaith marriages need nothing other than a bride and groom of differing faiths, and someone to officiate at their wedding. The purchase of the Menorahment guarantees that an interfaith couple can “celebrate the warmth and wonder of both Hanukkah and Christmas.”
I have a few problems with this item. First it is a Star of Davidment and not a Menorahment. A menorah (or more accurately a hanukkiah) is a nine-branched candelabrum and has nothing to do with a Star of David.
Second, while I have no problem with consenting adults marrying whomever (or even how many ever) they wish, I do have a problem with the assumption that interfaith marriage always means a Jew marrying a Christian. Is there no warmth and wonder for a Jain who marries a Buddhist?
Third, there is no such thing as a Hanukkah Tree, so a Hanukkah Tree Topper® is absurd. The only reason to put a Jewish Star on a Christmas tree is to honor the religion of Jesus, though this may be offensive to many who follow the religion about Jesus.
And fourth, why put a Star on top of a tree rather than a Cross on top of a hanukkiah? The official candelabrum of Hanukkah has eight candleholders, one for each night of the festival, plus a ninth holding the candle used to light the other eight. Why not make this ninth candleholder in the shape of a Cross? Given that Hanukkah and Christmas can be weeks apart, having a Crossakkiah ® as your official Hanukkiah Topper ® and a Menorahment allows the interfaith couple to botch both sacred occasions equally.
The more I think about this the more I am convinced that the Crossakkiah is my ticket to fame and fortune (who needs warmth and wonder?). So don’t be surprised if next Autumn’s SkyMall catalog features one these bad boys for the holy days.