There is nothing so sexy as a woman in a burqa. Sorry, not sexy, seditious. There is nothing so seditious as a woman in a burqa, unless of course it is a woman wearing a nigab.
I know what you’re thinking: “B-u-r-q-a? I thought the letter ‘q’ was always followed by the letter ‘u’.” That’s why you suck at SCRABBLE. But never mind that, the issue at hand is the banning of the burqa (a full body cloak that covers the entire face, with a mesh screen for the eyes), and the nigab (a veil with a slit for the eyes). The ban the burqa movement started in Belgium and spread to France. The ideas behind the ban are three: first, if we cannot see a person’s face they are a threat to national security; second, going around with your face covered is anti-social; and third, burqa wearing women are being forced to dress this way by men, and thus banning it is a matter of women’s liberation.
Now I do think there are times when burqas and other head coverings must be removed. When getting a driver’s license, passport, or other photo ID a full-face photo makes sense. While I don’t oppose Muslim women driving cars (I’m not a Saudi prince after all), I do oppose them doing so in a burqa or nigab on the grounds these head coverings restrict one’s ability to see. If they must cover their faces, and they want to drive, let them drive motorcycles and wear full-face helmets. For you Muslim entrepreneurs out there, here is a great business opportunity: Muslim themed helmets and motorcycles. Very cool.
When boarding an airplane people must be identified and burqas and nigabs make this impossible, so they must be removed. But once we get full body scanners at all airports we might be able to ID people without removing anything.
If I were a Muslim woman I wouldn’t normally wear either a burqa or nigab. But, with the passing of these laws, I would do so as an act of protest. And if this law comes to America I plan to pull a Scooby-Do and wear multiple layers of what will be illegal religious garb from different religions so that as the authorities pull of one layer they will confronted by another and then another. Ultimately they will get down to my foreskin–free Jewish penis. Let them take that from me if they can!
PS: I recently learned that the full body airport scanners actually cause penises to fall off, so there goes my last line of protest.