Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Putting the Nut in Donut

Sometimes the left just goes too far. In this case its hatred of the unborn has sunk to new lows as that noted left-wing god-hating company Krispy Kreme uses its irresistible donuts to lure unsuspecting Americans into supporting abortion rights. Here’s the story:

Seeking to capitalize on the excitement surrounding Inauguration Day, Krispy Kreme announced that it was giving away a free donut on January 20th. While giving away anything for free is clearly anti-capitalist, this isn’t what was so offensive about the Krispy Kreme move. In advertising their free donut scheme the company said they were giving the donuts away as a way of “honoring Americans’ sense of pride and freedom of choice.”

Americans and “freedom of choice”? How dare they! Everyone knows that freedom of choice is code for abortion rights. Krispy Kreme was supporting the murder of the unborn. Or at least that is what the American Life League believes. Its president Judie Brown said, “Choice is synonymous with abortion access, and celebration of freedom of choice is a tacit endorsement of abortion rights.” Take that you donut sucking God haters!

Krispy Kreme was quick to deny any intent to link donuts with abortion, but the facts are the facts. First donuts are sort of shaped like diaphragms. Second… well, there is no second but the shape of a donut is bad enough. And when you realize that donuts have holes and crullers are shaped like uh, you know, the male member or p#n#s, it is clear that Krispy Kreme is pro-sex, anti-abstinence, as well as being pro-abortion.

So kudos to the American Life League! But why stop with creaming Krispy? I say let’s go after every organization that supports choice starting with the United States government. From this day forward I am urging all Americans who love zygotes to demand an end to beef labeled "USDA Choice". I am also demanding that Americans boycott the Choice Hotel chain, Healthy Choice food products, voucher systems promoting school choice, and Citizens for Healthy Options in Children’s Education (CHOICE) and their efforts to improve school lunches which, for all I know, probably includes substituting Krispy Kreme donuts for Sloppy Joes. And this is just for starters.

By November of 2012 I hope to see all references to choice removed from every book, dictionary, company, agency, and institution in these God fearing United States. There is only one way to end abortion and that is to make sure that no one is free to choose anything. I hope you agree.

[By the way, if you know anyone at Dunkin’ Donuts please see if you can get them to financially support me in this anti-Krispy Kreme effort. It will be good for their business.]


Eruesso said...

Oh my goodness, I had no idea! All those times I went into Wal-Mart and picked up a couple Sam's Choice Colas I was secretly supporting that baby killer Sam Walton. Well I say no more! I will no longer support those abortionists!

Well...I'll only shop there in an emergency, but that's it! But they have such low prices, ok, I'll only buy everything BUT Sam's Choice or Wal-mart brand products.

Yeah, that'll teach them.

And then when the new Krispy Kreme opens in Smyrna on Sam Ridley we can protest at their grand opening. We'll either drive them out of town or force them to reduce their menu options to just one, plain donut, without their sexually suggestive "donut glaze".

Yeah, that'll teach them.

Jordan said...

Shalom Rav,

You wrote: "While giving away anything for free is clearly anti-capitalist,..."

Actually with the rise of internet marketing and the ultimate digitalization of most all information, giving away something for free will be a necessity and a norm of capitalism going forward. Check out the work of Seth Godin for more about this.

I know; I need to remember the word "satire."


AaronHerschel said...


I haven't checked out Seth Godin's work yet, but the idea of free stuff, of course, delights me. Still, as someone whose entire living is predicated on my ability to sell "content" as intellectual property, I may be in for a rough season. Damn Pinko Commies.

Jordan said...

Shalom Aaron Herschel,

Re Seth Godin; check out his blog to which he posts daily, http://sethgodin.typepad.com/

Here's a post that also might be of interest:

Check out as well as well as his most recent book, "Tribes"


Rabbi Rami said...

I am a huge Seth Godin fan. His marketing strategies are wonderful. While I forget which of his books it was, he gave the entire book away for free as a digital download. He then brought the book out in hardcover at a very steep price. If you loved the book on your pdf you HAD to own it. It worked with me and tens of thousands of others.

Sometimes his ideas are too narrow to merit a book. Tribes is more of a hardcover essay. Worth reading nonetheless.