God or Gore: It's Your Choice

I have a new hobby: calling into my local talk radio station to agree with the right wing conspiracy nut hosting the show. So far I haven’t made it on the air, but this morning I thought I was getting close.

The topic was global warming. To prove that global warming was a lie, an attempt by evil left wing minions of Al Gore to destroy the economy of the United States, the host ran through the record breaking cold temperatures posted across the country this past weekend. I called the show to agree, and when the screener asked what I wanted to say I offered the following in my best Tennessee accent:

I just want to comment on this global warming scam and point out something that hasn’t been mentioned yet. You now I listen to the weather conspirators on the TV everyday and I have noticed that they always announce that they are going to tell us the weather but then they keep putting it off until later and later in the show. Well that is because they are afraid to tell the truth about the weather because they know that the truth doesn’t fit the fake facts of global warming. So they delay and delay and delay the weather forecast hoping that it will change and that things will get warmer, but in the end they have to tell us the truth because we can walk outside and see for ourselves that it is colder than ever. Even Fox News does this, which makes me wonder whose side they are really on, God’s or Gore’s.

It really comes down to that in the end. Either you believe God or you believe Gore, and I for one choose to believe God because God is the Creator of the weather and probably knows a whole lot more about it that Gore who isn’t even a weatherman on TV.

So this whole global warming thing is a scam. The globe isn’t getting warmer it is getting colder. So the warming thing is a lie, and, to tell you the truth, I’m not so sure about the globe part either. I mean I have seen the photos of the earth from outer space and the earth looks round but it still looks flat. I think the problem is that the ancient people thought the world was flat and square or rectangular when we know now it is flat and round like a DVD disk. And that is why, by the way, we had maps that were flat rather than globes which are round. The reason we got globes was because they take up less space that maps and so people wanted them but over time people forgot why they wanted them and began to imagine that they rather than maps were the more accurate representation of the earth when in fact they are wrong because they make up believe the earth is a ball when in fact it is a disk.

So the global warming people are scamming us twice, once with the warming and again with the globe thing and this what I want to talk about with… Hello? Hello?

Can you believe it? The screener hung up. It is a said thing when even right-wing radio can’t handle the truth. Oh well, I’ll try again tomorrow.