I'll Be Baaack (Part Two)

Yesterday I wrote about the reincarnation of the 14th Dalai Lama. I was thinking more about this and mentioned it to a Christian friend of mine who said, “That’s silly.”

“Silly?” I said. “No more silly than Jesus coming back for the Second Coming.”

“That’s biblical fact,” he said, “not heathen speculation.”

“What about the coming of the Mahdi, the final Imam in Islam? Or what about the return of the Lubavitcher Rebbi, Peace be upon him? And what about the coming of the Messiah Ben David, who, Jesus not withstanding, we Jews are still waiting for?”

“Only Jesus is coming back,” he said. “It’s in the Bible.”

OK. Maybe so, but can we really be sure? Here is what I think is going to happen. God is going to line up his boys like racehorses at the starting gate. There will be Jesus, the Rebbe, the Messiah ben David, the Mahdi, maybe some others. Then God will set off a not so big bang, and the would–be saviors will race to earth as fast as they can.

Wait a minute, you might say. This isn’t fair. Jesus may still suffer from the beating the Romans gave him, and the Lubavitcher Rebbe is an old man suffering from a stroke. They won’t have a chance. But, I would say, God has repaired Jesus and the Rebbe and both are in top physical condition, so not to worry. OK, you say. Back to the race.

Given that the world is round and not flat, it will be impossible for any of these saviors to be seen by the whole world at the same time. If Jesus drops in over Jerusalem, Christians in New York won’t see him. But if Jesus opts for a New York landing he will have to race farther since Heaven is in a straight line over Jerusalem. So all of them are going to race for the Jerusalem landing. The problem with that is this: whoever arrives first will be denounced by followers of the other saviors. If the Rebbe lands first the chances of the Christian and Muslim communities admitting he won is nil. So they will have to race to a more neutral winning circle. But where?

Here is my suggestion. They should race to my house. I really don’t care who is the real messiah. If it’s Jesus, I’ll become a Christian. If it’s the Rebbe I’ll become Lubavitch. If it’s the Mahdi I’ll become a Muslim. If it is Ben David, I’ll become an Orthodox Jew.

I don’t care who wins, I just want to be on the winning team. So God, line ‘em up and let ‘em go! I’m ready. Just don’t make it a photo finish, I’m not that good with a camera.