Taming the Taliban

Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. In an essay by Dinesh D’Souza entitled “The America Terrorists Never See” (USA Today, Tuesday, January 23, 2007), Mr. D’Souza says that the only reason Muslim terrorists hate us is because of our decadent American values. Democracy and capitalism are OK and Islam isn’t really opposed to them. What Muslims hate and what Americans have to stop exporting is our wicked culture. If we want to win the hearts and minds of Muslim s abroad President Bush must highlight the America not portrayed by Hollywood or the music industry:

“He should not hesitate to speak out against American cultural exports that are shameless and corrupting. And America should promote traditional family values, not feminism and homosexual rights, in international forums like the United Nations.

“If traditional Muslims realized that there are millions of Americans who go to church, take care of their families, and live by traditional values, they would be less likely to view us or our leaders as the Great Satan, and fewer of them would be tempted to join the camp of the Islamic radicals.”

I read this with stunned disbelief. What Mr. D’Souza is suggesting is that we portray a Taliban-like America in order to win over the Taliban-like Muslim. It would go something like this:

Hey, look at us; we don’t give our women equal rights either! We make the mistake of allowing abortion, but we are trying to correct that. And we still don’t pay them as much as men, so we really are on the right track.

And, don’t worry about gays; we hate homos as much as you guys do. In America, we don’t even allow men to hold hands, and the Saudis do that, so we are even more homophobic— no need to fear us (unless of course you’re a closeted gay Muslim in which case we will beat your ass to prove to your straight Allah fearing neighbors that we are as tough and God fearing as they are).

Yeah, and we hate Hollywood! The only TV we really love is House on the Prairie and 24 (and those Muslims on the show are evil only because they don’t realize that we Americans love God and hate gays just like they do).

And music? If it weren’t for those godless liberals we’d burn people like Madonna. Look it up, those are the values our country was founded on. Good Christian values like burning people at the state, and pillorying unbelievers in the stockade, and exiling heretics from God-fearing colonies like Massachusetts.

And we love church. Sure our preachers say that Allah is a false god and Mohammed is a pedophile, but you say Jesus isn’t the biological son of God, and we known that’s not true. So let’s not quibble about the fact that you are going to burn in Hell for all eternity.

Yep, America isn’t the Great Satan, liberals are. So if you are going to set off a nuke in America do it in LA just like you did on 24. And don’t worry, this time we’ll send Jack Bower after the ACLU.