Today my fellow Tennesseans and I go to the polls to determine whom among us will run for governor of the Volunteer State. My choice is Basil Marceaux. Let me share a few reasons why.
First, I like a man whose parents’ weren’t afraid to name him after an herb.
Second, Mr. Marceaux is going to make carrying guns mandatory for all Tennesseans. I know some liberals hate this, but why should only the most violent among us pack heat? Do you think Jesus would have let the Romans crucify him if he and his posse had AK-47s? Read the Book of Revelation: when God comes back to earth He comes loaded for bear (Russian Bear not Sister Sarah’s momma grizzlies). Who says there are no second chances?
Third, Mr. Marceaux promises that, should he win the election and become governor, anyone who votes for him will receive lifetime immunity from all criminal prosecution under state law.
Fourth, while in favor of universal health care, Mr. Marceaux promises to keep the size of one’s waistline out of any health considerations.
Fifth, Mr. Marceaux plans to remove all traffic lights believing that they make slaves out of those of us forced to abide by them.
I could go on, but you can find out more about my candidate by visiting his website, http://politics.freesitenow.com/basilmarceauxforgovernor/.
Mr. Marceaux isn’t the only Republican running for governor, but I can’t see myself voting for Mr. Ramsey who says that Islam is a cult out to subvert America, or Mr. Zack Wamp who, despite incredible name recognition among fans of the 1960s Batman television series, is building his campaign on the secession of Tennessee from the United States if Mr. Obama’s healthcare bill isn’t repealed.
Of course I could always vote Democratic, and maybe I will. I admit, however, that I have no idea who is running on the Democratic ticket, or what he or she may stand for, but given the candidates on the other side does it really matter?