In 1968 Mitt Romney allegedly led an alleged assault on an
allegedly gay student at his private high school academy during which Mitt
allegedly had his alleged friends pin down the allegedly gay student while Mitt
allegedly cut off his hair with a pair of scissors. Is anyone surprised that
the alleged lame stream liberal effete media would be on this story like
glitter on Glee? Of course not. It fits right into their narrative of a
heartless Mitt terrorizing homosexuals in his teens, dogs in his twenties, and
workers for the rest of his life. But in their rush to judgment the media elite
have failed to note the heroism that Mitt displayed: he dared to work as a
barber without a license.
His action was a blow against unnecessary government
regulation. When I was in high school I worked at a barbershop—cleaning the
sinks, washing the floors, polishing the chairs, etc.—every evening after my
night shift at Friendly’s Ice Cream.
And, like Mitt, I too cut the hair of a fellow student.
It was my junior year of high school and my neighbor’s dad
had given him money for a haircut but my friend wanted to use it for something
else and asked me to cut his hair instead. He had dog clippers and I had a dog,
so how hard could this be?
It went well at first: I plugged the clippers and turned
them on. The hum was strong and confident, and for a moment so was I. Then I
started cutting. When I was done it cost my friend twice what his dad had given
him to have a barber fix what I had done to him.
Here’s my point: if I can remember cutting this kid’s hair
and he only cried and screamed after I’d finished, how is it that Mitt can’t
remember cutting that other kid’s hair when he started crying and screaming the
moment Mitt’s friends pinned him to the ground?
There can only be three possible answers to this question.
First, the incident never happened and Mitt is being swiftboated by Obama
hacks. Second, the incident did happen, but it was so traumatic for Mitt that
he repressed all memory of it. Or third, it did happen, Mitt does remember, and
he is lying in order not to lose the votes of licensed barbers in the
Republican Party.
Mormons don’t lie (which is why I take Joseph Smith at his
word regarding the Golden Tablets) so option three is out, and Mitt’s friends
implicated themselves in the incident so option one is out. This leaves option
two: Mitt was traumatized and suffers from Repressed Memory Syndrome.
Repressed Memory Syndrome in no way disqualifies Mitt from
being president. After all President Obama forgot that he was for gay marriage
when he said his opinion was evolving (in fact it was devolving) and now that
he is for it again he still can’t remember that he was for it all along. So he,
too, may suffer from this disease. In fact the more I follow politics the more
it seems that Repressed Memory Syndrome is something that all politicians
share. How odd is that?
2 comments:
yea!!! sat here and laughed :) see! Thank you....
*snicker*
I can't wait for this stupid election to be over. I don't really even care who wins.
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