Thursday, August 11, 2011

God is Messing with Texas

I believe God controls the weather, and uses the weather to reward and punish people. I believe this because it is in the Bible, and because most of my neighbors seem to believe it as well. It is comforting to believe what everyone else believes. Easier too.

Over the years I’ve been told that extreme weather is God’s punishment for American acceptance of abortion, homosexuality, gay marriage, and other sins of liberalism. I don’t doubt this at all. What I don’t understand is why God hates Texas, that bastion of all things godly.

Texas is boiling. July has been the hottest and driest month in Texas since Noah. The government is spending millions of dollars on a treatment plant that will allow Texans to drink their own urine, but the only showers the state can count on are golden ones.

But why? It can’t be Global Warming because Global Warming is a liberal hoax. It can’t be El Nino or El Nina because we put up a fence to keep Mexicans out. So it can only be God:

“Take care not to be lured away to serve other gods and bow to them. For the LORD’s anger will flare up against you, and He will shut up the skies so that there will be no rain and the ground will not yield its produce; and you will soon perish from the good land that the LORD is assigning to you.“ (Deut.11: 16-17)

Sure you could say God was only threatening the Jews in Israel, but we didn’t limit God’s wrath to the past in the past, so we can’t do so now. So what god is Texas worshipping that is getting the LORD so angry?

It can’t be the god of the gay agenda, or the god of liberalism, or the god of compromise—Texas is the bastion of conservative, dominionist, and even secessionist Christianity. Is there a single state in the Union that loves Jesus more than Texas? I doubt it. So what could be the problem? Unless…

When Christianity started there was a notion that the God of the “Old Testament” was not the God of the New Testament, and that the Old Testament God should be abandoned. But it is the OT God that uses weather to punish people. Could it be that what we are seeing in Texas today is the wrath of the OT God aimed at Texas because Texas has sided with Jesus? Clearly Gov. Perry’s rally calling people to Jesus didn’t bring a change in the weather. Maybe that’s because the God of the weather isn’t a Christian.

I can’t pretend to know. But I will tell the people of Texas this: God is messing with you, and you had better find out why and fast. I suggest Gov. Perry hold a second prayer rally, and this time limit it to Jews. Have the rabbis of Texas pray for rain. They may be the only Texans left who believe in the God of weather.

3 comments:

Jess, of the bugs said...

When George W. Bush was elected, there was a plague of locusts in Texas. This could be the OT god, but I propose prayers also to Zeus and Apollo. There's nothing wrong with calling in a specialist for a job, y'know. Heck, may as well pray to the rest of the Olympians while we're at it, just for good measure. Like chicken soup, it couldn't hurt.

Raksha said...

Just checking to see if I can get a comment posted. For some reason Blogger hasn't been letting me post comments the last few months, and I'm not sure why.

Raksha said...

Amazing...I actually got my last comment posted, although I don't know what became of my avatar. It's very clear to me that God hates the New Apostolic Reformation and especially Governor Rick Perry. They are all Mammon worshippers, so it isn't hard to understand why. I mean...what clearer sign could they have that God does NOT want that infidel Gov. Perry to run for President?