Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Invisible Women--Modesty at Its Most Divine

Everyone knows that religious men prefer their women modest. For some Muslims this means burying their women beneath burkahs allowing only a slit or mesh veil through which they are allowed to see and be seen. Pretty severe, but we Jews do them one better: we erase them altogether.

At least that is what Der Tzitung and Der Voch, two Orthodox Jewish publications, did when they erased Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and counter terrorism adviser Audrey Tomason from the iconic White House photo showing the nation’s leaders in the Situation Room during the operation to kill Osama bin Laden. According to Der Tzitung, printing photographs of women is contrary to Jewish laws of modesty. While Muslim men prefer not to see real women, Jews worry about seeing virtual women. Which leads to a wonderful business opportunity: Orthodox porn.

If I can get the backing, I plan to publish maideleh (Yiddish for young woman), a glossy magazine featuring naked Jewish women. Not being allowed to publish photos of said women, however, means I wouldn't have to hire either models or photographers. And the more women I featured, the more blank pages I could publish, keeping printing costs to a bare minimum (pun intended). Jewish guys would just have to imagine the naked women I’m not actually photographing or printing. Hey these are God's laws, not mine.

Maideleh will be the perfect porn mag for married Jewish men. When "the wife" sees them looking at it, they can say with confidence, "Don’t worry, I only read it for the articles."

7 comments:

Rev. R.M. Peluso, Art of the Ceremony said...

Hypermodesty now distorts history. Thanks for the chuckles.
Rev. R.M.Peluso

andrea perez said...

So what did they do when Golda was Prime Minister?
Men.

Tiffany said...

:) Too funny!!

Ron said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
drhoward said...

That is so funny! Thanks for the comic relief today ...

Jeff said...

The fourth comment was photo shopped?

Anne said...

"All of me....
Why not erase all of me...
You can't see,
'cause I'm not really he-re"
...la la la la..