I’ve been following the climate conference in Copenhagen this week, and have come to the following conclusion: we’re screwed. The planet isn’t doomed, of course, but human civilization as we know it is. And by “we” I mean middle class Americans. The homeless children of India living on garbage heaps probably won’t notice any major change in lifestyle.
Given the fact that no one with the power to improve the climate of planet earth actually wants to do so, you have to ask yourself one question: what can I do to survive? Here are my suggestions: 1. Move north; way north. 2. Buy guns; lots of guns. 3. Learn to love beef jerky. Of course we all can’t move north so you will have to do this secretly. I suggest painting the roof of your current home white to give your neighbors the impression that you are planning to stay and fight global warming. While they watch the paint dry, slip out the back and move north.
This solution isn’t perfect, however. Even if you are among the first to homestead what used to be the frozen tundra but which will soon have the climate of South Florida, others will not be far behind. And they may be better armed. The fact is only those with the cash to hire their own private armies will survive the coming disaster. Seriously. If I had the cash I would hire the mercenaries formally known as Blackwater and take over Sarah Palin’s house.
But there is another way out (besides of course actually changing the way we live). Astronomers have discovered a “super earth,” a planet with air and water orbiting a nearby red-dwarf star. True, using the term “red-dwarf” isn’t politically correct, but we can deal with that later. The planet, called GJ1214b, is uninhabited. I am sure of this because the name of the planet is GJ1214b, and no one who actually lived there would give it such a stupid name, so we can be pretty certain that no one lives there. Yet.
And that is my point. I’m moving to GJ1214b. The plant is about 247 trillion miles from my house in Tennessee, and that does present me with somewhat of a hurdle. But I am planning on talking to Richard Branson of Virgin about building a spaceship that will make the journey in less than 42 light-years. True I might not last the entire trip but perhaps my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great children might.
And there is also the problem that the atmosphere if GJ1214b can get as hot as 250F, but this is still cooler than what is going to happen to planet earth, at least if my math is right.
So, short term: hire an army and move north. Long term, build a space ship and colonize GJ1214b.
Ah, the audacity of hope.
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