Does the Pope Hate the Jews?

Is it me, or does Pope Benedict have it in for Jews? I’ll let you decide. Here are the facts as I choose to understand them:

1. When he was a kid the Pope belonged to Hitler Youth. According to my research he even won a merit badge for selling more yellow stars to Jews then any other Nazi kid. True he threatened to have them shot if they didn’t buy his stars, but, hey, the kid’s got moxie.

2. The Pope defends the sainthood of Pope Pius XII who Jews believe could have done more to stop the Nazi genocide against Jews. To his credit Pope Pius did consider withholding communion from Adolph Hitler until he found out Hitler was pro-life. He settled instead for writing his opposition to the mass murder of six million Jews in his diary which the Vatican refuses to release to the public—a girl deserves her privacy.

3. The Pope brought back the old Latin mass in which Catholics pray for the conversion of Jews. Jews by the way never pray for the conversion of Catholics. The last thing we need is more overweight men wearing satin beanies. I'm told by Vatican sources that in the underside of their skull caps is printed "Barry Horowitz' Bar Mitzvah."

4. The Pope has welcomed a noted Holocaust denier back into the fold of Catholic Bishops. This anti-Semitic Bishop, Richard Williamson, believes that the Nazis never ran gas chambers and at the most murdered 300,000 Jews and not the 6,000,000,000 as most nonNazi Catholics believe. Further he believes these Jews died in a bratwurst-eating contest held by Hitler in honor of the Jewish holy day of Purim. Gas killed them but it was internal and gastronomic, and not piped in to gas chambers. And, speaking of chambers, Bishop Williamson denial of same has nothing to do with the fact that he hates Jews (after all we killed his God, who wouldn’t hate us?), and everything to do with his being British.

When Brits speak of chambers they are referring to the chambers of Parliament. When he says the Nazis had no gas chambers he is referring to the fact that the Nazis did not have a British style of government where gaseous politicians fill chambers with idle yelling and odd gutter sounds.

As regards the Bishop’s insistence that the number of Jews murdered by the Nazis is 1/2000th of the number recognized by all scholars who are neither Nazis nor Iranians, the fact is Bishop Williamson suffers from a rare numerological disorder that causes him to see everything as 1/2000th the size of what it really is. This is something he was born with and he probably has no idea he suffers from this disorder.

A recent diagnostic test performed on the Bishop proves this. Vatican scientists had Bishop Williamson count 2000 wafers used in the Catholic Mass. He counted all two thousand but when asked how many there were he reported the total as just one. He counted them several times and each time insisted that there was only one wafer. You can actually check this out for yourself: There are 600,000 members of the Bishop Williamson’s Society of Saint Pius X (no relation to Malcolm). Write Bishop Williamson a letter, and ask him how many members he has, and he will insist it is 300. He can’t help himself; there is something wrong with his brain.

So, is Pope Benedict anti-Jew? No, I don’t think so. He is just pro-Catholic. Asking the Pope to care about Jews and the feelings of Jews and the future of anti-Semitism is like asking the CEO of Coke to care about the success of Pepsi. Its all about market share and competition. Of course people get hurt, but you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, and if by “few” you mean six million and if by “eggs” you mean Jews, well it’s still an omelet and that’s what matters.