Safe or Saved: Christian Little League

I had never heard of Christian Little League before, and I imagine I never would have if Little League Baseball, Inc. weren’t suing them over trademark infringement. Once I heard of it, though, I had to check it out.

First of all their website makes is clear that they “are not affiliated with Little Baseball, Inc. or directly affiliated with any church, but we are affiliated directly with God through his Son Jesus Christ!”

That’s impressive. This is baseball the way God wants it played.

What is it with Jewish fathers and their sons and baseball, anyway? My dad loves baseball (also golf and football), and pushed me into Little League when I was a kid. I thought maybe he was unique in this, but now I learn that God forced Jesus to play as well. I wonder if Jesus felt as self-conscious about his level of play as I did?

You might think that since Jesus is God’s Son He played better than me, but I doubt it. The reason I doubt it is that every time I struck out or dropped a ball (I played right field), I always heard people mistaking me for Jesus Christ, and calling to me as if that were my name, “Jesus Christ!” Maybe we looked and played enough alike for people to confuse us.

Given that I suck at sports, I was intrigued with Christian Little League’s statement that there are no losers. How do you have a team sport with no losers? On their website they quote Jesus, “Thou shalt not judge for in the same measure in which you judge ye shall be judged.” I guess there are no umpires at Christian Little League games; that certainly eliminates a lot of pressure.

Of course if everybody wins, there really are no winners. So where is the fun? I mean what do the winners chant at the end of the game, “Two, four, six, eight who do we appreciate? Everyone who came today even if they struck out, dropped the ball, never got off the bench, or hit two billion home runs.” It is hard to chant this. Try it for yourself.

There isn’t much more on their website, so I was left with a few unanswered questions: Can gay boys play on the team? What about Jews or Muslim kids? And if I really could play well but didn’t believe Jesus died for my sins would I still go to Hell? Probably. So much for no losers. But, hey, I’d risk Hell if I could strike out to a cheering, rather than jeering crowd.

Maybe I should start Jewish Little League. We would have umpires and winners (we the Chosen, after all), and each kid would have her own lawyer so she could argue every call.