Saturday, December 14, 2013

Yes, Megyn, Santa IS White

I need to come to the defense of Fox News’ Megyn Kelly’s claim that Santa Claus “just is white.” Her claim, and the follow-up assertion that Jesus, too, is white, created quite a stir. In walking back her comments about Santa she declared she was kidding. Regarding her claim that Jesus was white, Megyn now says that issue isn’t yet settled. Wrong on both counts.

First, regarding her just kidding around, I listed to the tape of her rant a couple of times and she was not kidding, not even a little bit. She believed—and probably still believes—that Santa is white.

Second, regarding Jesus, the matter is settled: Jesus, a middle–eastern Jew, was brown. In fact, according to Karen Brodkin in her book How Jews Became White Folks, Jews weren’t considered white until after World War Two.

OK, Megyn was wrong on Jesus. But she was right about Santa. He’s white!

While the 13th century Saint Nicholas was olive or brown skinned, the Santa we know is based on the Dutch Sinterklass who is probably as white as Deniz Akkoyun (look her up). Sinterklass predates Christianity and may have some relation to the Norse God Odin, who, as far as I know, is also white. You can, as I did, check out Marvel’s The Mighty Thor to corroborate this claim.

Besides, the real Santa Claus, the only Santa that counts, the Santa Megyn and I know and love, was shaped to a large degree by the Coca-Cola company that featured him from 1931 delivering toys, reading his mail, and sipping Cokes as he flew from house to house. And as decades of Coke ads make abundantly clear: Santa is white.

[Little known fact one: It is drinking thousands of Cokes a year that allows Santa to maintain his figure. Little known fact two: Deniz Akkoyun probably doesn’t drink Coke, or, if she does, prefers Diet Coke to Santa’s original. Little known fact three: Santa hated New Coke and replaced all presents with coal at every house that tried to foist that crap on him.]

So Megyn don’t let the liberal lamestream media upset you. While you need to get used to a brown Jesus, (way more difficult than getting used to a brown president, I know) you can be comforted in the knowledge that Santa is as white as you and me. Or at least you; I’m a Jew.


Maggid said...

I'm off to look up Sinterklass - i did not know the idea predated the current myth . . . cool, thank you.

I sure enjoy reading your blog . .

Erick Reynolds said...

So, Santa is white like the Grinch that Stole Christmas is green. or Tinkerbell is blonde. or the Wizard of Oz is really from Kansas.

Rabbi Rami said...

Hold on, Erick. Do we know the Wizard of Oz is from Kansas? Dorothy is from Kansas, but I wasn't aware that the Wizard was as well. Please investigate this for us and let us know definitively. Thanks,

Erick Reynolds said...

After a thorough 20 minute investigation on the internet, I have collected all the facts:
Norman Henkel was born to a single woman in Fredonia, Kansas and given up for adoption to the Henkels,a poor small farm family just outside Eureka, KS, where he grow up as a rebellious farm boy who hated farming. He ran away with a travelling salesman Phadrig Isaac and changed his name to Emmannuel Ambroise. They became a team selling medicinal products and providing magic shows as Phadrig Isaac & Emmannuel Ambroise. However, Phadig passed away after consuming one his products and Norman changed his name to Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise. This allowed him to use any two combinations in each town, appearing to be one of three partners as convenient. Still a very young man visiting Omaha, Nebraska, Norman met an experienced magician and showman, Dr. Diggs, who wanted to enter politics. Norman and Diggs formed a pact that Norman would help campaign for Diggs and Diggs would adopt Norman and educate him. So, Norman became Oscar Z. Diggs. In between campaigns over the years, ever the showman and ladies man, Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs would perform in traveling shows using names to fit the situation but often favored OZ, his first two initials.
This can be verified in various Kansas, Nebraska, and other archives. There is ongoing research and carbon dating on fabricate that is traced to the original balloon used by O.Z.P.I.N.H.E.A.Diggs. Also, there are archeological plans to dig up the sites of various claims for Toto’s burial site to see if the actual bones found can help confirm where the real site is. However, where the second “n” in “Emmannuel” came from is still a mystery.

Erick Reynolds said...

The carbon dating is being done on "fabric", not "fabricate". However, I think this is less a typo and more something called a Freudian tumble.

Erick Reynolds said...

BTW. If others will copy the info provided about Norman Henkel, above, to other websites, we can combat this false mythology about some "Wizard" called OZ. This info will become Google research source material.