Monday, December 03, 2012

Christmas Music Contest

Many years ago I published a CD of songs co–written with and produced by Grammy Award winner Paul Hoyle (check him out at; he is excellent!). Most people don’t know about the album, you can no longer buy it, and I rarely speak of it. But this morning I received an email asking not about the album I did write, but about another I didn’t. The album is entitled: Rabbi Rami Sings Christmas Classics.

At first I thought this was a joke. Then I thought it was an attack on my willingness to read Jesus back into the Jewish fold. But on closer reading of the email, I think the person was sincere. Somehow he got the idea that I had actually written and sung a Christmas album. I wrote back that no such album exists, but on further reflection I wonder if I should actually do one.

I’m not the world’s greatest tenor, nor I’m not at all enamored with Christmas songs, but I have come up with is an album title: Rabbi Rami Sings (soon to be) Christmas Classics. Here are some of the album’s track titles:

1.                 Oy to the World: an ode to Jewish angst at Christmas time.
2.                 He went to Herod’s: a story about the Wise Men and King Herod.
3.                 No Jews is Good Jews: a dreamy ballad sung by Pontius Pilate.
4.                 Little Frummer Boy: the struggles of an Orthodox Jewish boy at Christmas.
5.                 Born to Hang: a tragic song about a baby born to die at the hands of Rome.
6.                Dreck in the Malls: the pain of having to buy gifts nobody wants.
7.                No El: an atheist anthem denying El, the god of the Jews.
8.                Phyllis’ Navy Dad: about a girl whose dad is deployed over the holy days.
9.                Pontius Pilates: about Pilate’s effort to get in shape for the holy days.
1.               Manger in the Night: Mary complains about giving birth in a barn.

I haven’t written any lyrics for these songs. Nor do I intend to. Rather I am reaching out to you, my friends and readers, to make this album a reality. Pick a song (or more than one) and write the lyrics yourself. Then post your lyrics in the comments section of this blog. At the end of the year I will pick the best lyrics for each of the songs.

True, I won’t do anything with the ones I pick; nor will I tell you which ones I picked because I don’t want to disappoint those people who wrote songs I didn’t pick. But you should imagine that I picked your song lyrics, anyway. And when you do, go out and record the song and put it on YouTube. Who knows, maybe you will have a Christmas classic in time for next year.

Good luck.


Maggid said...

I can always count on you for a great giggle.


Bluesman said...

Don't forget the classic "Whose Child Is This?": A song (appropriately sung in a sad minor key) about one's reaction to holiday guests' diminished manners and parenting skills stemming from too much bourbon-spiked eggnog, which miraculously renders them oblivious to their children running wild through the house, sticking their fingers in light sockets and throwing knives and breakables at the family pet.

Judy Olson said...

Haha Dean Hall!! When you said, "Whose Child is This?" I immediately thought it was about Joseph not being the father of Mary's child.