Wednesday, November 28, 2012

We the People

I voted for President Obama. I did so to keep the Supreme Court from moving closer to the John Birch Society (yes, I'm exaggerating, so please don't comment on this). Now we are facing the Fiscal Cliff and I don't see how he or the Congress is going to fix the mess we are in. But here are three suggestions I overheard while eating breakfast as a local cafe. Maybe one of them will work.

Suggestion One:

First, stop paying for anything. Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Military, Foreign Aid... all of it. Second, see who screams the loudest. Third, see if these people a) vote or b) have weapons capable of overthrowing the government. Fourth, feed the voters and the well-armed until they are pacified, and then keep feeding them. Everyone else--nothing.

Suggestion Two:

Borrow more money. Lots of it. All of it. Interest rates are so low that we are foolish not to borrow it. It is almost free money. Borrow and build. Build like we were the Chinese of a couple of years ago. Build high speed rail, tall buildings, taller buildings, build new highways and bridges, build dams to protect our coast lines from the coming super storms, build a huge dome over the country and climate control the who thing, build, build, build. And spend, spend, spend. Send every citizen (and--this is my personal addition--if you are a Republican every zygote) an annual check for $150,000. Tax them 150% of what is left at the end of every year. No tax at all if it is all spent. Actual quote: "I don't know how this will end, but when it does we can have a huge garage sale, and raise the money we need to pay back the Chinese. Or we could just nuke them."

Suggestion Three:

Frack everything. Frack you. Especially you. But frack me too. And frack the poor and frack the rich. Every home and apartment building out to have a fracking well attached to it and every person dwelling in that home or apartment (yes, Republicans, including zygotes) should share in the profits. Frack, frack, frack, frack, frack like there's no tomorrow. Cause, you know, maybe there won't be. (This last sentence is mine.)

OK, I know you think I'm kidding. And if it makes you feel better to believe that, then believe it. But if you really want to listen to the people you need to stop smiling.


Erick Reynolds said...

Get 10 people together and try to get unanimous consensus on anything, including where to have lunch. Then, yell …FIRE!!! Observe unanimity.
Image getting 200 people to agree on anything without a crisis; or useless warm and fuzzy ambiguity.

John Lamberth said...

Solution 1 is similar to my idea on how to change voting in this country.
If no candidate for a post wins at least 51% of all eligible voters within their voting block, the position remains unfilled until someone who meets the 51% total is found.
It would be really fun to see which offices turn out to be not missed and the Big 2 would be forced to adjust to actually start appealing to a larger part of the population.