Sunday, July 18, 2010

Thanks, Glen Beck

Dear Glenn Beck,

I was watching your program last Tuesday when you reminded America that we Jews killed Jesus. It has been a long time since anyone dared to deny history so blatantly and resurrect that anti-Semitic canard. I really missed it.

Of course you did say that Jesus being Christ chose not to return to “make the Jews pay for what they did,” but that doesn’t excuse my people from murdering him. Let me tell you how we did it.

We just couldn’t do it outright. Jews in Jesus’ time didn’t have the power to kill people and crucifixion was strictly a Roman practice. So if we wanted to crucify Jesus we would first have to pass ourselves off as Romans. That took decades of planning.

First we forged Roman birth certificates and put fake birth announcements in Roman newspapers that made Jewish babies look like they were Roman citizens. Then as our people grew into adult Roman citizens we had them run for the Roman Senate and get themselves appointed as governors of various Roman provinces, Palestine being one of them.

Then when Jesus started to annoy us we worked with the High Priest and had Jesus turned over to us so we, pretending to be Romans but really being Jews, could crucify him. We thought this ruse would fool everyone, but clearly it didn’t. Christians started slaughtering Jews to avenge the murder of their God as soon as they could. To put a stop to this we had to infiltrate the Church so that we could get a Jewish Pope elected so he could officially deny that Jews killed Jesus. This took us centuries, and we didn’t pull it off until 1965. But even this failed to fool you.

You are one dogged genius, Mr. Beck. And I can’t thank Fox enough for giving you a pulpit.


Just me. said...

The real question should be, why were you even watching his program?

Rabbi Rami said...

I watch and listen to lots opinions with which I fundamentally disagree. First, how can I talk with people who get their "facts" from these shows if I don't have some familiarity with them myself, and, secondly, these people often raise issues worth raising. They just do it in a way that is rarely helpful.

Tiffany at Patheya said...

The comment above yours is a link to a asian sex site!! They spam my blog too.

I'm listening Rabbi!

Just me. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Just me. said...

That makes sense.

You have more patience than I do. I find it very difficult to listen to programs like that without getting angry at some of the non-sense that is being talked about.

Bring back the Love. said...

Used a fake Roman birth certificate?
Sounds like Obama using a fake birth certificate. May be that AIPAC helped him to get it? Or maybe its because his quote; "Entire world view is based on the teachings of his mother." Who BTW studied communism in Indonesia and his father being a self-proclaimed communist. It's to hard to know exactly why he has a fake birth certificate. Ans I agree with GB, the history books are full of proof that the "Jews cried all the louder; Crucify him." The were 100% behind the scenes in complete control of his crucifixion. Too bad they didn't know who they were condemning to death, Jesus has lived on for 2000 years and no one has heard of the name of those Jews who condemned him that infamous day.

Old Lady said...

Jesus H. Christ!!!

Old Lady said...

Ok have that outta my system. I remember the day I realized that Jesus was Jewish. That was the day of my epiphany. Well, well why didn't anyone tell me Jesus was Jewish? Why aren't I Jewish then? I was but a girl but I bugged everyone with embarassing questions.

Unknown said...

High 5's to all in this. As important an issue as this is, the tone of humour indicts Mr Beck as what he is..... fodder for rasied brows. rolling eyes, and heads shaking in disbelief. When my father was still among us, he'd always say that "The empty wagon makes the most noise". So I guess beck is an empty wagon - worthy of our pity and not anger. Hes not an angry dogs needing to be put down, but rather an insecure child who needs someone to blame for his insignificance.