Sunday, March 29, 2009

Intend This

Anyone who has watched What the Bleep Do We Know knows that water can be transformed by having people pray over it. Anyone who has read more deeply in this phenomenon knows that it is bogus. Nevertheless an entire industry has emerged to vibrationally transform your food and empty your wallet. It is called the intentional foods industry. Their intention is, of course, to make money. [In the interest of full disclosure, it is an intention I share.]

One California company, H2Om, sells bottled water infused with good blessings. According to their website the water is transformed by altering its vibrational frequencies. Here are some of the ways this is done:

1. Each bottle is imprinted with the Sanskrit word OM, plus words like “perfect health,” “gratitude,” and “love” written in various languages.
2. The color of each bottle corresponds to a specific charka, and
3. The water is exposed to frequencies generated by music and sounds of “crystal bowls, Acoustic Piano, Spoken Word, Ancient Healing Scales and more.” [I suspect the more refers to the mocking laughter of the workers who are making these sounds.]

You the consumer become part of the transformation process by being urged to “Think it while you drink it.”® That is to think good thoughts as you drink this good water.

To be honest, I want to believe. Not only do I want to believe that I can transform food and drink by thinking good thoughts and playing Bach, but I want to believe that millions of people are willing to pay premium prices in a recession to buy the food I have transformed,

Because I believe I have created an after-market intentional food transformation company called Eat, Love, Buy (www.eatlovebuy.bul). What I do is purchase products from the grocery store and subject them to good vibrations. I then resell said items at $10 over retail (plus 8.95 S&H) to you, the believing consumer. Here are just a few the products I have to offer:

1. Ex-Lax tablets with the word “Flow” printed on the box with a Sharpie.
2. Apples of various kinds with the word “Wisdom” printed on them with a Sharpie.
3. Corn chips with the word “Amaizeing” printed on the bag with a Sharpie.
4. Various brands of cigarettes with the word “Life” printed on each pack with a Sharpie.

Notice the extensive use of the Sharpie. This is essential to the process, for the letters S-H-A-R-P-I-E also spell Share Pi, Pie Rash, and Harpies which in turn can be reconfigured to spell Sharpie. This is clearly indicative of something and for most of my customers being indicative of anything is usually convincing enough.

Of course you may have no use for laxatives, apples, corn chips, or cigarettes, so I also offer a personal transformation service. If you purchase the products you already use and send them to me, I will write on them with a Sharpie and return them to you for the value-added price of $10 plus $8.95 shipping and handling.

I know what you are thinking.

You are thinking that all you really need to do is buy your own Sharpie and write your own words on your own already purchased products. And you can do this. Just send me $10 plus $8.95 shipping and handling for having given you the idea.


Eruesso said...

Notice the extensive use of the Sharpie. This is essential to the process, for the letters S-H-A-R-P-I-E also spell Share Pi, Pie Rash, and Harpies which in turn can be reconfigured to spell Sharpie. This is clearly indicative of something and for most of my customers being indicative of anything is usually convincing enough.


*Shapire is awfully close to Shapiro, maybe you should use a knockoff brand like Sharpio instead of Sharpie®. And anyone named Shea should also be careful while using your products.

AaronHerschel said...

"Think it as you drink it" is an intriguing slogan with (unintentional) resonance for me. I'm currently writing a very involved critical reading of something called OK Soda, and one of their slogans was "Think OK, Drink OK."

The OK ad campaign, meanwhile, was a deliberately self-mocking affair, painting a picture of a highly dystopic future-present wherein capitalism has become totalitarian. The campaign draws a great deal from Marxist and post-Marxist theory and dwells endlessly on contemporary permutations of commodity-fetishism.

"Think OK, Drink OK" seems to be a reference to the idea that, in the world of commodity culture, consumers are invited to believe that they can express facets of their inner-self through product choice and brand loyalty. Of course, the opposite is true: we seek endlessly to acquire "desirable" traits by accumulating commodities that have been artificially linked with those traits by advertising.

"Think it while you drink it," invites the same kind of misunderstanding, suggesting that consuming H2Om is somehow meditative, productive of inner-peace. Drinking the vibalicious water means infusing the self with good vibes. Ridiculous? Maybe not.

Given that there is no "inner-self," (as the last Toto post suggests), and that identity is not intrinsic but extrinsic, it seems perfectly feasible that one way to be a thing is simply to act it out: to play the role and adopt its trappings.

For example, grieving Hamlet claims that he wears black only to express his real grief, his intrinsic self: "I have that within that passes show, these but the trappings and the suits of woe." But he won't stop wearing black, even though he says the clothes don't matter. Why? Because "the play is the thing."

To paraphrase Derrida, there is nothing outside of text: nothing outside of the play of signs and symbols which we borrow from the world and with which we craft a vision of a transcendental reality. Hamlet grieves by acting out grief, by wearing the black clothes he knows will represent grief to others. And though he realizes there is no "grief" intrinsic to the clothes, he will not take them off.

This is our madness, and Hamlet's. We know we are characters in a play: a text whose only being is a collection of empty signs, of "words words words." But to be we must enact the text, give breath and voice and life to the words. Thus we are in the image of God, translating emptiness into form as God does in Genesis: through speech, language, through the act of signification-- an act of absurd and painful faith.

So why not have faith in H2Om? Consume the sign for its own sake--not because you think it represents you or can transform you, but because it already is you: formless but bottled, inscribed with a name whose meaning lies not in itself but in its relation to other names. And as for your wallet, let its emptiness remind you what 'being you' really means.


Di said...

For a small additional fee, you could write in fine Sharpie, "Organic." People would feel even better about it.

Rabbi Rami said...

And I thought Hamlet just liked wearing black. On the other hand, I, too, wearest black. Am I lost in a sea of grief, Horatio? Or am I simply imitating Johnny Cash? Ah, the sign's the thing!

And for Eruesso. You and I, my brother, have too much time on our hands.

And in the end, Sister Di is right--"Organic" is worth millions. Let loose the sgod of raw.

AaronHerschel said...

Well, Johnny Cash was imitating Hamlet, so...

Freedom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Freedom said...

Hasn't this been happening for centuries but known as "Kosher Food", blessed by (paid) Rabbis?