Monday, October 08, 2007

Doomed If We Do; Doomed If We Don't

Let’s say, if only for argument’s sake, that there is a Creator God—self conscious, all–knowing, all–powerful, etc.—living somewhere outside of where and when, space and time. Let’s say, again if only for sake of argument, that this God created the world as the Hebrew Scriptures says He did: by sheer will in six days. Or, at the very least, let’s pretend that we are all believers in Intelligent Design admitting that the Bible may not be a science book, but that there is nonetheless a Wise and Intelligent Being beyond creation who initiated and shapes creation.

Given either position one must be ready to answer the question: To what end? Why did God create the heavens and the earth in such a manner as to have them end in total desolation?

There are currently three leading theories regarding the destiny of the universe: Accelerated Expansion, the Big Rip, and the Big Crunch.

Accelerated expansion argues that the universe is expanding at an ever increasing rate, and that in time, say 30 billion years from now give or take, everything will be so far away from everything else that you and I will die a dark, cold, death.

The Big Rip is no less appealing. As dark energy continues to strengthen over the next 30 billion years the universe, from atoms to galaxies, will suddenly be ripped apart like a size 34 pair of Dockers trying to hold a size 38 butt as it bends over to tie a shoelace.

And then there is the Big Crunch that argues that dark energy is not growing but fading, and gravity will eventually pull the universe back into the original point from which the Big Bang banged. Perhaps to bang again. Perhaps not.

These are our only options: death, death, or death. You choose. My question is why would God create a world that was doomed? Sure, 30 billion years is a long time, but only to those of us still young enough to enjoy it. What about your great, great, great… grandchild born just a few years from spread, rip, or crunch? What about her? Huh? Don’t you care about her? Doesn’t God care about her?

I guess not. The universe is doomed.

This is why I have decided to believe in the Rapture. It is not enough to get off the planet. The Chinese will eventually have colonies on Mars. We have to get out of the universe, and there is no other way to do this ‘cept the Rapture. According to Rapturists true believers in Jesus will be lifted up to heaven before the earth is destroyed by the Prince of Peace. While this will happen long before the 30 billion year lease on life is up, I am told that those who are raptured will escape the fate of creation.

So, Lord, take me now, or at least sometime in the next 29 plus billion years, ‘cause I certainly don’t want to be here at crunch time.


Matthew said...

It's interesting how, even though I like to think of myself as fairly unfazed by personal mortality, the idea of the mortality of the universe is quite distressing. I want to think of my atoms as being eternally recycled! (As if I will be in a position to care...)

It's worth mentioning at this point that dark energy is still a bit sketchy - apparently the current state of cosmology makes some scientists uneasy since there have in recent years been a quite impressive chain of assumptions built on assumptions built on assumptions. There could yet be a major shift in the Big Picture.

Or at least that's what it said in Scientific American...

AaronHerschel said...

The curtain drops on every play, the credits roll on every film. Otherwise, how would you know what to write about in the reviews?

The Universe. Two stars.

Crowds flocking to the theaters this weekend to check out God's most recent "masterpeice" might be better off spending a night on the couch watching reruns of Law & Order. Sure the film is beautiful, God's got a premium on special effects (sorry ILM), but what's the point? This bloated tragi-comedy takes no less than 30 billion years to limp to its inevitable and joyless conclusion, and while the sheer length of the thing might tempt would-be viewers to expect a particularly rich and complicated storyline, the entire production finally comes off as a non-starter. Watching this thing is like watching a discovery channel documentary in slow motion. The first fifteen billion years are all swelling strings and pretensious panoramas of coagulating land-masses. The next fifteen billion are exactly the same, except backwards. There's a bit in the middle with some monkeys who accidentally blow themselves up, but that's about it for action. So, if you're looking for a good time this weekend, you can save yourself the boxoffice graft. "The Universe" might have a good trailer, but believe me, it'll leave you cold.